Today I was watching the Clippers-Knicks game when I thought to myself: wow everyone in this game is really tall. There were 6’10” small forwards and 6’5″ shooting guards receiving passes from 6’4″ point guards while seven footers roamed the paint trying to block shots.
It was at this moment that I began to find it weird that I was even watching this. Why would someone like myelf, who at 5’10” is of average height, care about the exploits of these giants? I can’t relate to their feats of athleticism. I can’t even begin to imagine what it would feel like to be able to dunk over someone. If I was a young kid watching this I wouldn’t even pretend to be LeBron James while shooting hoops in my driveway and I certainly wouldn’t bother to dream about hitting game winning shots in Game 7 of the NBA Finals. I would know that I would have a zero percent chance of ever playing professional basketball. It’s like the height requirement to ride a roller coaster at a theme park. Short people need not apply.
Of course there are always exceptions to the rule. Guys like Spud Webb and Nate Robinson who overcome the odds to carve out nice careers as back up point guards. But that’s just about all they can aspire to be. Role players. Freak shows who compete in Slam Dunk contests. Future residents of Springfield, MA they are not.
Which is why I want to create a new league to be known as the Mini NBA. This league would emphasize the fundamentals. The pick and roll. The back door cut. The give and go. Highlight reel plays appearing on Sportscenter won’t consist of alley-oops or slam dunks. They will consist of needles being threaded. Of epic shooting displays. The best players in this league won’t be the biggest or strongest guys on the court. They’ll be the players that have the most skills. For this league would have a height requirement of 6’2″. That’s right. The tallest player on the court will be the guy who is currently the smallest guy on the court in the NBA.
Critics of this league will say that nobody would want to watch a league like this. That it would be boring without the high flying acrobatics of abnormally large human beings. To which I reply of course they would. People watch high school basketball games and WNBA games and this league would be played at a higher level than either of those. After all, wasn’t watching a guy like Allen Iverson, in his prime, slicing and dicing his way to fifty points a night entertaining? Wouldn’t you rather watch that on a nightly basis than spend your time watching a guy like Darko Milicic tip a ball into the basket without even jumping? I know I would.
We live in a World where there is a professional sports league for everything. There are lingerie football leagues. Competitive eating leagues. Skateboarding leagues. Video game leagues. Once upon a time there was even a basketball league that featured trampolines. The time has come to create a professional basketball league for vertically challenged people. It shall be called the Mini NBA. And it will be epic. Tall people need not apply.
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