Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

I’ve never believed in the idea of a soul mate.  Even if they existed, the likelihood of anyone actually finding their counterpart on a planet filled with billions of people when they are only searching in the general vicinity they happen to already reside in, is probably slim to none.  Just think about it.  Your soul mate could be driving a rickshaw in suburban China or working in an antique shop in Bangladesh.  They could be an Eskimo or an astronaut.  A princess or a pauper.  They could be anyone, from any walk of life.  And yet millions of people believe that they’ve already found their sole mate in their small town high school.  Give me a break.  Unless you’ve met, interviewed, or somehow screened every person on the planet there’s no way you can be certain that you’ve found your soul mate.

What you have found is someone that you are extremely compatible with, someone who you are attracted to, who you get along with, who you click with.  And that’s all well and good.  Just know that you could, in theory, find a similar person to date in every town in the country.

Of course, we don’t think that way.  When it comes to dating, specifically online dating, we lack perspective.  We throw reason out the door, believing that when we come across a strong match, it’s some sort of divine intervention.  We all want that fairytale ending.  We all want to find “The One”.  Yet none of us are really willing to do the heavy lifting.  None of us is about to literally travel to the ends of the Earth to find that special someone.  We all just passively leave our future happiness up to luck, happenstance, and nowadays, the machinations of computer algorithms.  But what if there was a better way?  What if there was a way to search every single person on the entire planet and find out who your potential matches were?  Would you have five potential soul mates or five hundred?  And would you want to know?  Would you actually be willing to meet one of them or move to the other side of the world to be with them?

If you’re asking me the answer is yes.  I would most definitely want to know all of my options and I would absolutely be willing to relocate for the right person.  I came to this conclusion while traveling this past weekend to Seattle.  While trying to kill some time I decided to swipe through my myriad of dating apps.  Not to find someone to hook up with over the weekend, but rather just to see how I would do as a dater if I was living in Seattle.  I did the same thing a few weeks back in Denver and London.

Regardless of what city I was in, I was blowing up.  Multiple matches with really attractive, like-minded individuals, who love the great outdoors.  A higher success rate than I usually get in my current hometown of Scottsdale, Arizona.  Does that mean that I should pick up and move to the Pacific Northwest?  Not necessarily.  It’s nice just knowing what’s out there.  But, if I want to date that hot software engineer from Google (an actual match) or that cute transplant from Washington, D.C. (another actual match that I had a great conversation with) then I probably should.

And that’s kind of the point.  If you’re not having success where you’re currently living (Arizona) and you could be dating a hot software engineer from Google (in Seattle), wouldn’t you want to know that information so that you could act on it?  Otherwise you might wind up single the rest of your life or wind up settling for someone that you’re not that into because you wrongly assume (based on incomplete information) that said person was your best option, when clearly they weren’t.

These are important, life-altering decisions, after all, and we’re what, leaving them up to chance?  Leaving them up to fate to intervene while we’re shopping for produce in the supermarket? We swipe day and night on apps, let our friends set us up on blind dates, pay matchmakers, do it all, and yet, we never do the one thing that could solve all of our problems; we never expand our horizons and look over the actual horizon.

So, here’s what I’m proposing: let’s create a worldwide database of single people.  Sortable by various personality traits, physical characteristics, and interests.  The one thing this database won’t have: a way to search by location.  The objective isn’t to find someone in your area to hook up with.  The objective is to find someone, in any area, that you could potentially be with.  After all, if there’s another licorice-eating, Rick and Morty watching, abstract face-finding, nature-loving, uber nerd out there wouldn’t you want to know about it?  I know I would.  Regardless of where they may be located.

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Is a worldwide dating app the Greatest Idea Ever?

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If you’re single and using an online dating service you know how it goes.  You match with someone that you really like, you start talking to them and decide that you really, really like them, and then before you can schedule a first date, they just completely stop talking to you for no reason.  I used to call that flaking out.  Kids today call it ghosting.  Either way, it’s horrible, annoying, and the bane of my existence.

Thankfully, there’s a new dating site that aims to change all that.  Known as Tonight, this new app is specifically designed to force people to actually go out on dates.  Right now. Tonight.

That’s because the service is time-sensitive, only allowing you to search for potential dates for that night.  It won’t even work past 6 pm at night, ruling out the possibility of just using the service for last minute hookups.  Instead, if you’re free that night, and match with someone earlier in the day, you’ll be a given a time and place to meet up later that night.

And best of all, the service discourages people from flaking out, even eventually removing them from the site altogether, if they keep doing it.

As TechCrunch puts it:

“…as soon as two people show interest in each other, the app tries to set them up on a date, no messaging required…you sign on when you’re free for a date that very evening. If both you and one of your matches is free, the app will give you a time and a place to meet up.  You’ll need to sign in by 6pm to get a date that night, which will hopefully discourage people who are just looking for a hookup. In addition, users get penalized for flaking out, and they’re eventually removed if they keep doing it.”

That last caveat, about getting penalized for flaking out, is a real deterrent.  With that rule in place, even if you show up and instantly know that you got cat-fished and aren’t attracted to the person at all, you’d probably still want to go through the motions of going on the date with them just to avoid getting kicked off the site.  That means less people will get stood up, which is one of the worst things that can happen to a dater.

On the other hand there are some potential issues that I see with this app.  First of all, what happens if you get assigned a location or activity that doesn’t agree with you.  Maybe it’s far away and annoying to get to or an activity that you either hate or have done before and don’t care for.  Would you have any say at all in the type of things that you could be doing?  Also, what happens if you match with two people in the same day?  Would you be double booked?  Or what if you accidentally match with someone because you were swiping too quickly?  I agree that once you start talking to someone you shouldn’t be allowed to back out, but what if you don’t want to start talking to them in the first place?

If Tonight can iron out all of those logistical concerns then they could really be onto something here.  Because the #1 complaint about online dating that I’ve heard recently is about how hard it is to actually go on a real date nowadays.  In an era of instant gratification swiping, where a first date consists of “Netflix and chill”, people are starting to yearn for the good old days of awkward meet-ups at mini-golf courses.  Or maybe that’s just me.  Either way, this new app has promise.  So, what are you doing Tonight?

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Is Tonight the Greatest Idea Ever?

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#1,026 – Sole Mate

The other day I wrote about Chuck McMarthy, an aspiring actor who had started a people walking service.  For $7 per mile you’d have yourself a friend for hire.  Or a therapist.  Or a security guard.

This got me thinking.  What other walking themed ideas might there be? How else can we put our bi-pedals to the mettle when the going gets tough?

What I came up with was a concept for a new hiking themed dating service known as Sole Mate.

I know, I know.  But just hear me out.

Dating is hard.  It’s expensive.  People are flaky.  If the first date feels awkward or forced there’s not going to be a second date.

So why not do something fun in a low pressure setting?  Something that’s free.  Something that you wouldn’t mind doing alone if you happened to get stood up.

That’s where hiking comes in.  It’s the absolute perfect first date.  Walk and talk at a gingerly pace to get to know your love interest.  Explore a cave or ancient ruins to add in an element of adventure.  Drop some knowledge on rock formations or various species of flora and fauna to show how smart you are.  Instead of constantly asking, “what did you just say?” over the roar of a crowded bar, ask, “how did that get like that?” or “why is that shaped liked that?”

What I’m imagining then is dating service in the spirit of How About We or It’s Just Lunch.  A service tailored towards busy working professionals who can spare an hour or two, here or there for a date, but who don’t want to commit to a long sit-down dinner with a total stranger.  Users could use the platform to seek hiking partners at locations that are convenient to them or the service could even host hikes at one specific location.  Imagine if you will, going on a hike and having a picnic for two waiting for you at the top of the mountain.  Or hiking one way and then taking a romantic sunset horse-back ride back to where you started from.  Conversely, there could even be group hikes if people would prefer an even more laid back atmosphere for meeting multiple people or just making friends with other like-minded singles.

The one drawback to this concept are the safety concerns. Is it really the best idea to follow a total stranger into the wilderness?  To get around that fear Sole Mate would vet all participants ahead of time and then adapt an Uber like rating system so that as time goes on hikers can evaluate one another and leave feedback for future daters on everything from conversation skills to walking pace.

Sure there are already a ton of other dating sites from Tinder and Bumble to Match and eHarmony.  Does the world really need another one?  In a word: yes.  After all, when it comes to dating, it’s always a good idea to put your best foot forward.

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Is a hiking dating service the Greatest Idea Ever?

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The other day I received a comment on Instagram that piqued my interest in a big way.  It read: “Based on your profile I’d say that we are kindred spirits.”

Why did that comment get my attention?  Because it came from, I kid you not, an actual real life super model. Granted, she wasn’t reaching out because she was attracted to me.  My Instagram account is dedicated to sunsets and barely features any pictures of me at all.  It’s likely that at the time she wrote that she had no idea what I looked like.  She was purely expressing her opinion that we were one in the same based on the types of pictures that I took and liked.  But I’m not going to let a tiny detail like reality discourage me.  If she really believes that we’re kindred spirits and took the time to reach out perhaps I have a chance.

To make a long story short, kindred spirit does not mean soulmate.  This alleged love of my life happened to already be married.  But her fandom got me thinking.  What if dating sites were more about aligning interests than analyzing assets?  What if people were drawn to each other instead of immediately drawing conclusions about one another?

What I’m envisioning is a new kind of online dating.  A modern age take on the concept of blind dating.  Instead of swiping through meaningless profiles filled with shirtless bathroom selfies users would instead peruse hand crafted collections of images that best define their potential love interests.  See someone who posted a bunch of nifty nature pictures and you’re likely to surmise that this is a person who likes the outdoors as much as you do.  Come across a photo of a wine bottle, Love Actually DVD, and box of pizza and you know that you just found a fellow hopeless romantic.  And so on and so forth.  It’ll be as if Tinder and Pinterest had a baby and it would be the best thing ever.

At first glance this idea may seem ridiculous but dive a little deeper and it begins to make sense.  Hinge, for example, has decided to do away with swiping citing data that suggests daters feel more lonely after swipe sessions.  What are they offering instead?  A new approach that emphasizes, yep, you guessed it, a person’s interests.  What I want to do then isn’t so far fetched after all.  It’s really just taking the trend that Hinge identified and amplifying it.  Making a feature the product.

Is it likely to work for everyone?  Nope.  Not at all.  People who hate taking the time to fill out surveys on Eharmony are going to hate this no picture approach.  But for everyone else?  For the people who allegedly value personality more than just looks?  Well, we might just have something.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go post some more pictures on Instagram.  You never know what kindred spirits or even soulmates it may attract.

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Is a kindred spirits dating app the Greatest Idea Ever?


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#892 – Peeple

It’s been called a Yelp for People.  A new app, known as Peeple, that allows users to review one another.  And while it may not sound like a great idea, seeing as how it’s ripe for cyber bullying, it also could be an inevitable side effect of our increasing online addiction, a precursor to a world where our online reputations are our most valuable currency.

The idea of an online reputation that follows us around isn’t new.  Your Klout score, which measures how much influence you have online, is another example of this new era.  And in theory, the idea has a lot of merit.  Perhaps people wouldn’t say such hurtful things on message boards, in comment threads, on profile pages, in tweets, if they knew that what they said would lower their personal credit score and follow them around for a while.

In fact, Peeple’s hoping that their app has that exact effect.  On their website, they state the following as their mantra of sorts:

“Looking at everyone in the three ways you could possibly know someone – personally, professionally and romantically – you can provide a recommendation on everyone you come in contact with, while allowing yourself to be recommended.  Once armed with these recommendations you can turn them into your new form of currency to get better job opportunities, better dates, growing relationships, and networking opportunities…

The site goes on to claim that the web was lacking a place where one could safely manage their online reputation and that with Peeple you could now do that.  However, users wouldn’t really be managing their online reputations.  If someone says something negative about you it’s not like you’ll be able to undo that damage.  And therein lies the rub.

As Fortune puts it:

“Peep sees its app as a place where people can showcase their finer qualities. However, the app could also be home to unfair and unflattering criticisms that could have an unfortunate impact on users’ lives.

For instance, a negative rating from a boss, coupled with a description on why you’re a bad employee, could mean the difference between getting the next job or remaining unemployed. Recommendations can be shared via social media or over text and email, and profiles can be “liked” and viewed by other Peeple users. So, if you allow negative reviews on your profile, they could be shared with more than just Peeple users.”

That fear of doing irreparable damage to a person’s professional career is likely going to sink Peeple’s chances of ever catching on.  Most people already hate the concept.  But the one area where I think the idea does have merit is in regards to the romantic aspect.  Rating daters solely within the confines of a dating service is something that I think should be a standard feature of dating sites.  That way you can gather feedback from a pool of your peers on whether or not someone is worth dating and at the same time no one outside of the dating app would be privy to the information.  A comment such as “nice guy, but there wasn’t a spark” could be helpful to someone considering going out on a date with someone and it won’t prevent that person from getting a job down the line.

Personally, I’m a fan of this concept even if it is a flawed system.  Our online personas already revolve around a constant stream of likes and favorites, a perpetual positive feedback loop that reinforces our belief system and encourages similar behavior.  Getting a positive rating on Peeple would feed right into that, encouraging us to keep up our good behavior so that more people will say more nice things about us.

Considering how dark the web can be shouldn’t we want something like Peeple that can shine a light on those who are doing good?

Is Peeple the Greatest Idea Ever?

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I’d like to think that I’m not easily persuaded by catchy jingles, clever slogans, or any other marketing ploy designed to get me to buy something that I would otherwise have no interest in.  I’ve also never understood why companies go so far as to hire celebrities to endorse their products.  Would someone really buy something just because The Rock told them to?  I certainly wouldn’t.

There is however, one notable exception to this rule.  The one time where I really did get suckered by a ad campaign into making a conscious decision to try something new.  The item in question was Axe body spray and I was convinced that if I used it I would be fighting off women with a stick, just like in the commercials!  News flash: that was false advertising!  Nothing changed!

The reason why I actually thought that something might change was because when it comes to the body’s hormones there’s a real chance, scientifically speaking, that you might actually be able to alter the body’s chemistry.  There are lots of naturally occurring substances that act like aphrodisiacs, increasing our body’s sex drives.  Not to mention pheromones that automatically trigger responses from members of the opposite sex.  Put those together and it’s easy to see why I would be duped by a deodorant company.

Despite my setback I’m not willing to give up on the idea of a product that could help me with the fairer sex.  After all, I need all the help I can get.  Thankfully, there may soon be something else that could help me out: an oxytocin based nasal spray that could make men appear 15% more attractive to women!

As I Fucking Love Science explains:

“The hormone Oxytocin is the body’s own love drug. While it’s most commonly associated with maternal bonding and cuddles, the hormone is also known to be linked to orgasms, trust between people, and loss of social inhibition. Its ability to alter behavior is so strong, scientists have already drawn comparisons between this ‘hug hormone’ and both alcohol and cannabis.  So, in a bid to better understand this hormone, researchers at the University of Bonn in Germany looked into how oxytocin-like chemicals affected the extent to which women found certain men sexually attractive.  In their experiment, the researchers gathered a group of 40 women in their twenties, all of whom were “passionately in love” with their partner. Half of these women were given a placebo while the other half inhaled a spray containing syntocinon, a synthetic form of oxytocin. They then swapped these groups around and gave the hormone to the ones who previously had the placebo, and vice versa.  After both sets of experiments, the groups were presented with photographs of their partner along with a selection of other men and asked to rank their level of attractiveness.  The results showed that a quick pump of the nasal spray made the women find their partners 15 percent more attractive…”

Take that Axe body spray!!

Of course this was just one experiment.  There is still so much that we don’t know about oxytocin and what else it’s capable of so it’ll be quite a while before this turns into a real product.  Hopefully, it does though.  Because as I mentioned earlier, I need all the help I can get.  Scientists, don’t fail me now!

Is a nasal spray that makes men appear 15% more attractive the Greatest Idea Ever?


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#771 – Vinder

The other day I wrote about LiveText, Yahoo’s new foray into social media that combines texting, live video, and the ephemeral experience of SnapChat into what Yahoo hopes is the Next Big Thing.  Something that becomes as widely used as each of its component parts.

When I heard about this new app I immediately began to wonder about what else could be created by taking successful stand alone services and combining them into something new.  What would happen, for example, if you took Instagram and combined it with Facebook?  Oh, wait.  That already happened.  Bad example.

A good example, on the other hand, is the idea that I did come up with: taking Vine and Tinder and combining it into a new video centric dating app known as Vinder.  The concept is simple.  Instead of swiping past static photos of potential love interests you’d instead see a quick six second Vine or SnapChat style video clip of the person.

This would bring online dating to life.  You’d be able to hear what someone sounds like, see what kind of personality they have.  Get to know the real them in a jiffy before making a snap decision. Isn’t that a better first date screening method than just looking at bathroom mirror selfies in a fraction of a second?

Or you could just use Vinder to begin with.


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