I live in a city with eight million people and it’s nearly impossible to find a date. Online dating doesn’t work. Speed dating doesn’t work. Set ups don’t work. (Apparently my friends think that I would be a good match for someone who looks like Sloth from Goonies).
The only recourse that I have left is to do things the old fashioned way which is to man up and actually approach someone in person that I meet within the course of my life. That’s right, I might actually have to meet someone while waiting on line instead of online.
I had such an opportunity the other night when I met the love of my life at my co-ed soccer game. “The one” as she will be referred to from here on out was a genetically perfect petite blonde with a heart of gold who volunteered to wait downstairs by the door to let her teammates into the building so that they wouldn’t get locked out in the cold. Even though I just met her and barely interacted with her I could just tell that she was a good person. The kind of person that I would have loved to gotten to know better.
But alas I chickened out after the game and started to walk home with my teammates. Suddenly I had a change of heart and decided that I wasn’t going to let “the one” get away from me. So I turned around and went back to the school to track her down and ask her out just like the main character in a Disney movie would. But of course I would chicken out again when I found her because she was surrounded by all of her teammates.
A few years from now when she’s married to an investment banker who treats her like shit and I’m telling this same story to a panhandler in Penn Station I’ll lament the fact that Relationship Rings didn’t exist at the time. What are Relationship Rings you ask? Well, basically, they are the adult version of mood rings.
A staple of everyone’s childhood mood rings displayed one of seven different emotions ranging from black which represented nervousness to violet which represented love. Kids, especially boys, often have a hard time outwardly expressing their true feelings. Rather than ask out a girl that they like they’ll ask their friends to find out if that person likes them or not. They are constantly looking to take the easy way out. That was the beauty of the mood ring. It did the dirty work for you. Just put it on while standing next to your love interest and you’ll know whether or not you’re in love and if the feeling is mutual. Life was so much easier back then and I think that we could make it that much easier again in the future.
All we need are Relationship Rings. These will be color coded rings that will have the same look and feel of mood rings but instead of being linked to your body chemistry they will be solid objects that won’t change colors. Rather each ring will denote the relationship status of the user. People who are looking for long term relationships will wear one color. People who just want to hook up another color and so on.
This way it will be clear when you meet someone what their status is and what they are looking for. If you think about it this idea isn’t that far fetched. We already list that same information on our dating profiles so why not make that data publicly available in real life too?
It sure would be helpful. Like for those situations in life when you meet “the one” at a co-ed soccer game. Had I known that she was looking for a long term relationship I wouldn’t have had any hesitancy in going up to her or conversely if I knew she had a boyfriend I wouldn’t still be obsessing over her. Although knowing me that probably wouldn’t stop me. But that’s not the point.
The point is that the guesswork would be removed. We wouldn’t have to speculate or hide behind our friends. We wouldn’t have to worry about chickening out because we’d never get to that point. All the information that we need to make an informed decision would be right there in front of us. Life would be easier. And maybe, just maybe, I’d actually have a shot at finding love in a city of eight million.
One ring to rule them all
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